The team at Austin’s Family Funeral Directors often speak with families who feel unsettled by how grief behaves. We often hear “I thought I was coping, then it hit me all over again,” and “I don’t know why this hit me out of nowhere.” If you or someone you know has felt “waves of grief”, please be reassured that this is a natural response to a bereavement.
After a loved one dies, emotions can feel overwhelming and constant. Over time, however, many people notice that the intensity rises and falls. You might have a relatively calm morning, only to be caught off guard by a sudden surge of sadness later in the day. Grief unfolds gradually, often resurfacing in response to memories, anniversaries or seemingly small triggers such as a song or a familiar scent.
What are the waves of grief?
Our minds process loss in layers. We simply cannot absorb the full reality of a loss all at once. This means our thoughts and feelings emerge bit by bit, as we are able to cope with them. In addition, our brains form strong links between memories and emotions. This means that unexpected reminders can bring powerful feelings rushing back, even months or years later.
When grieving, we move between moments of confronting the loss and moments of focusing on everyday life. This “back-and-forth” is a healthy part of adapting to bereavement.
Coping with waves of grief
Here are four steps to consider when you experience waves of grief:
- Allow it. Trying to push grief away often makes it feel stronger. Acknowledging your emotions, whether you feel sad, angry or even numb, can help the wave pass more gently.
- Ground yourself in the present. Simple things like taking slow breaths, stepping outside or holding a comforting object can help. This can steady you when emotions feel overwhelming.
- It often helps to talk. Sharing memories, saying the person’s name and telling their stories can be both painful and deeply comforting. Talking about a loved one helps us process loss while keeping that connection alive.
- Be patient with yourself. Over time, many people find that the waves don’t disappear, but they become less frequent and more manageable. In between the waves, life begins to grow around the loss.
Mental health and wellness professionals at Mind Body Institute offer advice about coping with waves of grief:
‘The way you are feeling right now is not how you will feel forever. The nature of a wave is movement. It will change.
Be gentle with yourself. Lower your expectations for productivity. Wrap yourself in comfort. And reach out for a hand when the water gets too deep.’
If you are finding things difficult, please don’t face it alone. Try talking to a trusted friend or relative. Consider attending a local grief café to share your experiences with others who understand.
You might also find comfort in reading. Our Stevenage High Street office has a Grief Support Lending Library. You are welcome to pop in, browse and borrow a book.
Our team is always here to listen, before and after helping you with your loved one’s funeral arrangements. Many families find it comforting to call in after the funeral service. Whether you need guidance, reassurance or simply someone to talk to, you are very welcome to reach out – we have offices across Hertfordshire.
