Thinking about your own funeral can feel strange. No one wants to imagine a time when they won’t be here.
However, writing your funeral wishes isn’t morbid. It can be a thoughtful way of looking after the people you love. Knowing your preferences can give them clarity when they face difficult, emotional decisions.
What is a letter of wishes?
A letter of wishes is a written record of what you would like your family or friends to consider when arranging your funeral. It can sit alongside your will, although it is general guidance rather than a legally binding document.
There are no set rules about what you should include. Your letter can be as detailed and personalised as you’d like it to be.
What goes into a letter of wishes?
A good starting point is to consider the big decisions. Would you prefer a burial or cremation? (53% of funeral organisers don’t know which type of send-off their one would prefer.) Would you like a traditional service, a religious ceremony or something more informal? Is there a particular place that has meaning to you?
Then, think through how your funeral can be personalised to your life … how do you want it to reflect you?
Perhaps there’s a favourite song you would like played, a poem or reading that means something to you, or your favourite colour or flower to involve in the arrangements. You might have thoughts about what people should wear. Would you prefer donations instead of flowers?
You could also suggest photographs, memories or stories that you would like your family to share.
Don’t just write it – talk about it
Just 1% of people arranging funerals say they know all of their loved one’s funeral wishes. (SunLife report, 2026)
With this statistic in mind, writing your funeral wishes is extremely helpful. Talking about them can be just as important.
Once you’ve written your letter, tell someone you trust that it exists and where to find it. You may also want to discuss some of your wishes with your family. They’ll have the opportunity to ask questions and you’ll have reassurance that they understand your wishes.
An act of kindness
Your letter doesn’t have to be perfect. You can change it, add to it or simply write a few thoughts to begin with.
What matters is that the people closest to you have something to guide them. There are many decisions to make, yet 18% of people arranging funerals don’t know any of their funeral wishes. A heartfelt letter of wishes can ease the pressure during a difficult time.
Think of your letter of wishes as an act of kindness, helping your loved ones make emotional choices confidently when arranging your funeral. Your loved ones will appreciate the clarity and support you provide via the letter. You’ll have peace of mind that you’ve captured how you would like to be remembered.
If you would like to discuss funeral options when writing your letter of wishes, please let us know. Our team is based in funeral offices across Herts and is here to help you.
